Someone I Look Up To (pt 1) ((probably))

There's this guy. He's in theatre with me. For confidentiality, we'll call him Sam.

Sam was many things. He was silly and playful, he was serious and humble, he was a hell of a good actor, but he couldn't lie for shit to me. He was a great writer and director, and maybe he could lay off on the singing, though.

But the one thing that mattered: he was accepting. Maybe it was the utter acceptance that rolled off of him, maybe it was how carefree and childish and happy he was, drawing me in as the silent, sad child. Maybe it was how he was willing to let me try, when all the others gave up and did it themselves. I'd mess up but he wouldn't bat an eyelid.

He always seems to know what I need. He shows up with food and drinks at the randomest times, but it's when I need them. He understands my need for praise, because God knows how useless I actually am. Even for the smallest tasks, he makes sure to thank me and wave off my apologies and my self-depreciating comments. He refuses to listen to me hate on myself even when it's justified.

I always messed his mic up, but he always told me to take it easy and just try, because that was all I could do. He said thank you no matter what, and he'd ask me to do the littlest things when he noticed I was being left out of the work. I held a ladder and carried some nails for him and he thanked me like I'd saved his kitten from a burning fire. He offered me a ride more than once even though his car was full to the brim when he noticed I still hadn't been picked up.

When we began learning the set for our contest play, people were rough. They figured I would just know how to do things. I was scared, being yelled at while on a ladder, my only form of support being a wall that was constantly being shoved and kicked. And when I finally broke down and cried, he was there.

He gave me a hug, asked what was wrong. When his friend answered for me, I was grateful, because my voice wasn't going to work just then. And then he got mad. But not at me, for me. He got loud with the director for me, even though it got him yelled at too.

My love language is touch, and anytime we interact, he always somehow knows that. He knows that I have an inane need for physical touch, and that it genuinely calms me. So anytime we interact, whether it be during a fast-paced theatre rehearsal, or just languid conversation, he's always there, ready for a shoulder squeeze or pat on the head.

I wish I could say I was friends with him, because I wish with every bone in my body that he was my friend. He just gets me. And I've never found someone else who was like him. I don't know if I ever will, after him. He's a senior, so these are my last months with him. It's actually really upsetting when I think about it, because all my theatre friends are older than me.

I just hope that, someday, we'll get past the whole coworker schtick, and be actual friends. I doubt it, but one can always hope.

An Introduction, Take Two (let's try this again)

 Hey there. It's me again.

I could get used to this whole "saying hello as if we're old friends" thing, you know?

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you. I know I've only posted an introductory piece, and it wasn't even that great of an introduction, but you've still stuck with me, and this early in the game, too. So, I figure it's best if we get to know each other better, before I get too ahead of myself.

So, hi. My name is Teddi. I'm a high school student. I don't feel too comfortable disclosing my last name or age, just because if someone does find me, or thinks I'm too young to be doing this, they'll never have real proof. *Cue maniacal laughter* I don't really have a gender, so feel free to address me as anything you'd like! At the moment, I really prefer they/them, it/its, or he/him, but you can use whatever you feel most comfortable with, I won't mind at all! I don't really like labels, but I guess I fall under the non-binary spectrum, as well as the trans and bisexual category. I'm currently single, and being totally honest, I'm kind of a loner. I don't have many friends, yet. That is, unless you want to be my friend, in which case, hello friend!

On my profile, I mentioned YouTube as one of my interests. In the future, I would like to eventually start a channel, assuming my social anxiety doesn't get in the way, but I wanted to share some of the YouTubers I enjoy watching the most. I'll give the links to their pages as well, because they all deserve some love!

Connor and Liana: https://www.youtube.com/c/ConnorAndLiana

Kubz Scouts: https://www.youtube.com/c/thekubzscouts

Markiplier: https://www.youtube.com/c/markiplier

CrankGameplays: https://www.youtube.com/c/CrankGame

Clare Siobhan: https://www.youtube.com/c/ClareSiobhan

(The links- you'll just have to copy and paste?)

Those are just my favourites, and ones I tend to watch when I'm feeling down and out of place. Also, fun fact, I started watching Ethan before I ever even heard about Mark, so...love to CrankGameplays!

Aaaanyways, enough of the boot-licking. I really enjoy most music, I just love music as a thing, you know? It's just one of those things that I never really get tired of. I will say, while it doesn't really matter to me what's on the radio (it usually becomes background music anyway), I think my least favourite music to hear is mainstream pop. It all just sounds the same to me, I guess. I am guilty as charged, though, because I'm literally listening to Halsey as I write this. but the message remains all the same. I'm a sucker for romantic classical music, especially You by Petit Biscuit and Experience by Ludovico Einaudi. I also recommend literally anything by Peder B. Helland. I also really enjoy Broadway songs and Disney. It's the gay theatre kid in me, I suppose.

You might notice that I skipped over the "Favourite Movies" category in my profile bio, and that's honestly just because I'm not really a movie kind of person. I prefer to imagine what could happen, rather than see it acted out on a screen. Of course, that circles back, now, to the whole "the book is better than the movie" argument (which I wholeheartedly agree with), but that's another topic we can discuss later, if you want.

Dear, what else is there to know about me? I'm a pretty boring person, I'll be quite honest. This isn't exactly your average "introduction to the author", though, I suppose. You don't exactly just see people posting about everything they like and acting like someone cares. Maybe you do care, who knows. All I know is, I'm a really boring person, so unless you want to talk shop about more writing ideas, or the YouTubers I mentioned above, I suppose this is goodbye, for now.

I hope you're staying safe and happy out there, Love. I'll talk to you soon.

T.R.L

An Introduction

 Hey there.

I'm a bit new to this whole thing, so you're going to have to bear with me while we get started. That's not to say I'm new with this writing thing, not at all. I've been writing for years, but I only recently found a true passion in it. I guess that's what this is all about, if I'm being honest. Also, let's be real here...there's a few reasons why I started writing, and to be quite frank, Fanfiction was one of them. But I'll get into that later, I've got a whole argument for it when people say how stupid it is. But we can deal with that later.

I don't expect to have many followers on here, I'm going to be honest. I'll be legitimately surprised if I get even one person to truly care enough to be notified every time I have something stupid to say. But, at the end of the day, that doesn't really matter to me. That's not why I'm doing this, or why I'm going to continue this. What matters to me is being able to express myself, whether that be in Fanfiction, creative writing, essays, or emotional journaling. Of course, there's always the fact that maybe one day, my words might be able to help someone, but I guess that's all anyone can hope for.

"If I ever do anything in my career, I want it to have been to help at least one kid in my lifetime. If I do that, I'll know my job is complete." I've had many people tell me this; teachers, parents, doctors, my friends. But in all honesty, if all you strive for is to help one person, are you really making something of yourself? I get it, as long as you can be there for one person, you know you're still useful and stuff, but why not strive to help as many people as possible? I know, you can't help everyone. But just think about it. If I ever want to do anything in my life, it'll be to make something of myself. I've always had this deep, hidden away fear that I would never amount to anything in my life. That I'd just live as a nobody, couch-surfing between friends and my sibling's houses, not even keeping a decent job. Never settling down and having a family. Knowing that I could have done something to make my life mean something.

If all I want in life is to help one person, well, I don't really feel like I'll get very far there. Because, once that one person is saved, what then? Do I just go back to floating aimlessly around the world? Do I restart my journey, effectively ruining the original idea of only helping one person? I've always had major respect and care for people like teachers and doctors. It doesn't matter what you teach, or what your medical degree is. You might not even have a medical degree, you could be a math-y doctor for all I care. But in the long run, those are the people we look to when we need help. When we need guidance. When we need someone to care. And they never quit. After that one kid is helped, they don't stop there. They make sure each and every person who walks through their door is taken care of. It doesn't matter the costs, they do everything they can to help someone else. I strive for that. I can only hope that I'll be that admirable one day. That I can be the person that makes that difference, one day.

Anyway, let me get off my tangent before this becomes a whole novel. I could write for hours on the subject, but I doubt anyone would care to listen, so...I guess this is where I'll stop. I just want to warn you now, I will be the absolute worst at making a regular schedule to update this blog. I'm going to be honest (again), I'm a teenager who happens to have enough mental health issues and stress from said issues, school, and taxing social life to last three fully grown men a lifetime, so I can't promise that I'll ever find a good schedule. I hope, one day, I'll be good enough to post once or twice a week, but again, one can only hope.

I hope you stay safe and happy out there, Love. I'll talk to you soon.

T.R.L